The Situation

10/2/15 

Hello, so its been a while since I posted anything. I've accomplished a whole lot this year so far. Turning the big 40, completing my first 1/2 marathon which I'm very proud off. I haven't dated anyone in a while but trying to change that and I got a mammogram which didn't freak me out. Getting a call back because it was abnormal  kind of freaked me out a little bit. Then the doctor telling me she wants to do a biopsy, officially freaked out. that was today.

Essentially they say that only 10% of women who get a biopsy have breast cancer but they said that 10% of people get an abnormal mammogram (which is the group I fall into). So I'm a bit freaked out to say the least. I have a biopsy next Thursday and then a week later they'll tell me the results. The doctor at the clinic kept telling me that I'm young, I'm young. That's all well and good but I'm still a bit freaked out. So if anyone reads my blog please pray that it is nothing.

I know many women go through this and being human we're just prone to overthinking and doing endless internet research on the subject which can make things both easier and worse. So I'm going to try not to think about it until after the procedure is done cause that'll be the real moment of truth. Honestly it's like everything is put on hold until I know what's going on with my body.

Til the next time.

- Loree

UPDATE: 12/28/15

So I got my biopsy results back at the end of October and it was something called Traumatic fat necrosis. According to WebMD, "This happens when there is an injury to the breast, thought you may not remember an injury happening. It causes fat to form in lumps that are generally round, firm, hard, and painless. You usually get one at a time." http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/benign-breast-lumps I had a car accident last year and I believe that's what caused this. Can I tell you what a relief I felt when the doctor mentioned during the biopsy procedure and confirmed it a week later! This was a four week process:

Week 1 - Yearly Mammogram Exam - The doctor saw something wanted me to return.
Week 2 - 2nd Mammogram, Breast Sonogram - The doctor still saw 2 spots and wants a biopsy done.
Week 3 - Biopsy - The doctor looked and one of the nodules was gone and she feels it may be benign but wants to do the biopsy anyways since one still is still showing.
Week 4 - Results. FAT NECROSIS.

This was by far the longest week of my LIFE. It put things into perspective like where my love life and career are and although I have more time to focus on those, I really need to make a concentrated effort and get on the ball. I gotta say what helped me through those 4 weeks was telling my parents and brother, and continuing to be active which for me as you know is running. What I also learned what NOT to do is:

1. Keeping it completely to myself. Don't keep this all inside. I didn't want to worry my folks and friends so I kept it in as much as a could but they knew something was wrong. Sometimes not knowing anything is worse then knowing because you can think of the worst case scenario.
2. Continue living life as you usually do and don't stop doing your everyday activities it'll make the feelings of despair intensify.
3. Continue to be active - running helped me so much with the worry and stress.
4. Listen to the professionals and don't overwork yourself with online advice. I was researching online advice, blogs, and etc. and it literally almost drove me to just crawl under the covers and just wait the until the doctor contacted me.

It is key to continue to love yourself, take care of yourself and to be thankful for the time you have and the understand that time doesn't stop. Every second, every minute is important. Do what you want to do now. Don't wait. Trust me I will not.

Now next on the list, 2016 Goals. I don't like to refer to them as resolutions because I feel that by calling it a resolution dooms it to fail.

Til the next time.

- Loree

The Baby Topic

I know what I want because they are "MY WANTS." Today a coworker mentioned to me that our workplace has reduced our parental leave policy. Since I am 40 she mentioned another younger coworker that this would effect. I asked her why wouldn't this affect me? She said your 40 I assumed your weren't having kids. WOW A.) It's none of your business and B.) I don't remember you having access to my brain in regards to my wants in regards to having children. I was on the verge of crying from her comment. Who the f*ck does she think she is? Kids when I was younger were always something I wanted to have but I didn't want to do it alone. Finding Mr. Good Enough isn't good enough for me. I want a man I'm in love with, I want to have our kids and for our kids to see the love between us.

Its things like this that anger me about people who make assumptions based on my age. I could eventually adopt. I could met the man of my dreams in the next 5 minutes and we could end up getting married and having kids. From this moment on I realize that you really shouldn't share your personal business to your coworkers. My business is my business and no one else's. I understand that you should be able to work with your co-workers and have connections for a better environment but this person is just too much for me.

I always refer to the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” when something someone does or says really stings deep. This was definitely one of those occasions. I guess its not just about kids but actually finding my love. I'm glad I did stand up for myself and always look from the outside in and ask myself what would I do if I heard this said to someone else. I'd be supportive and thank God that this person has not control over their life.

Til the next time.

- Loree

2015 - New Goals

Hello Everyone-

2015 is upon us and its time for new goals and reevaluating my life. Four major goals are:

- Completing my first 1/2 Marathon
- Traveling More
- Going back to college
- Dating - Ongoing Saga of Finding the One

1/2 Marathon

So my first 1/2 Marathon. Unreal that I'm even saying it but yes I registered for two races. One in May and one in September but I've run into an issue. I injured my knee on January 27th. I had an injury when I was training for the Marine Corp 10K in 2013 in my calf and had to skip my Marine Corps 10K I was SO upset to say the least. But I took off running for a couple of months and returned stronger than ever I believe and did the race a year later. I thought it was caused by hills (running up and down hills for strength and endurance training) I did with my running group but I believe my running coach is right that it probably was an underlying problem I've had for a while because I've been feeling deep pains in that area for few months at night. So I didn't run for four days and did a 5K on Sunday, February 8th. I felt good afterwards, the day after, but the second day oh boy my knee was hurting. So I did a ridiculous amount of research online. One thing I've noticed is the internet is incredible when it comes to information and overwhelming at the same time. What I've gathered is that everyone's situation can be different and you shouldn't compare your situation to anyone else. You HAVE to listen to YOUR body. So I'm taking this as a learning experience. Learning about my body and what it can and can't do. So I decided it was time to go see the doctor.

So after two weeks I went to my family doctor and she didn't feel any warmth on my knee but saw a little swelling and thought I should get a sonogram so she referred me to a Rhematologist. After receiving a sonogram from the Rhematologist (my doctor was with me as well) he found no fluid, just a little swelling so it was most likely Runner's Knee which he felt would go away eventually. Bad for me because I wanna run now but I'm thinking with my glass half full cause it could have been worse. But his next words are what broke my heart, he said I may need to find another sport and stop running. As you know (or may not know) I weighed 70 lbs more then I do now and lost the weight with Weight Watchers and reached my goal November 2012. I only started running in 2013. The statistic is every lb of weight loss releases 4 lbs of pressure on your knees. So I had 280 lbs of pressure on my knees for about 15 years of my life which seems unreal to me. I've NEVER had knee issues before and now he's saying running is making it worse! After the Rheumatolgist left the room I burst into tears. Being overweight and finally losing it, then falling in love with running that continues to keep the weight off, its scary to hear that you may not be able to do it anymore. After I had a good cry with my regular doctor (who stayed with me after the Rudematolgist left - pun intended) she said don't cut out running just yet so she referred me to a Physical Therapist who specializes in runners to check my knee out and to let me know what I should really not do and don't rule out running out yet. I love my doctor she is the best.

I went to my physical therapist and she says it looks like my quads on my left leg got to tight which pulled on the muscle over my knee and screwed up the alignment. So I've been doing PT for three weeks and feel much better. I ran for the first time yesterday, March 17th (St. Patty's Day) and today I feel good. I think that fear of making it worse is freaking me out but baby steps you know. For sure the 1/2 Marathon in May in Delaware is cancelled. It's funny, I registered for insurance for that race but not the one in September. So with a doctor's note I can get a refund for the race in May. The goal is to complete a 10 K at the end of April and a 5 K the second week of May. Continue doing strength training and running to prepare for my 1/2 Marathon in September. Eye on the prize I say. Will keep you posted!

Traveling More

So life is short as they say and as I'm getting older I realize now is the time to do what I want because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I have 2 trips planned this year. One for my birthday in NYC and Las Vegas in April. I'm very excited and look forward to enjoying each.








Going Back to College

I believe learning is a lifelong event. You never should stop learning. So I decided to go back to school and obtain my Graduate Degree Certificate in Database Systems Technology. I'm pretty good with computers and learning programs pretty quickly so I thought this would be my next step. Will keep you posted on my career progress with this.





Dating

Here's another year of being single. Man I feel like the men interested in me are either too young or too mature or have a short attention spans. Its so frustrating being a single women in this time and age with the internet again, I feel like people feel they have endless options and that they don't spend the time romancing people anymore. They can just go on to the next chick. I mean I know individuals who are getting married, moving in together, dating, its happening but I don't know. Its a struggle and I don't want to be single forever I really don't. So I'm going to focus on my love life again this Summer. It's been way too long and I'm way to fabulous to be single :) Will keep you updated on this as well.

Til the next time!

-Loree