First Date

So. Its been a while since I've written and I find very therapeutic when I do. So I'm meeting a guy named "Dan" that I met on an online website "OK Cupid" for the first time. I thought he was cute and he reached out to me. He's a year older than me and seems to have a great career and is a great photographer which he wants to do full time. So he has that artistic part to him which I love. I haven't dated in such a long time I feel like I should be more excited but I think because I've had such disappointment in the past when it comes to dating I have a "whatevs" feeling. I think females in general over-analyze everything and I feel that deep down inside I am trying not to over-analyze as to not get hurt but I don't want to appear uninterested if I am.

So. I'm taking this date like meeting a new friend. Not a potential boyfriend, or anything more than that. If he is not interested that's cool, I think its great that I'm putting myself out there. I feel like I'm on a plane with a parachute getting ready to skydive and I'm right on the ledge with my instructor telling me "Go Loree, Go!" Hell I'm not even sure if he'll show but we'll see I guess. Yes I hate being negative but I'm, in my head, am being negative. Ugghhh I am anxious for the initial meeting and the awkward silences. This is a beginning of a new chapter for me.

I am confident in my looks now, I really wasn't before. I believe in respecting everyone no matter their level of intelligence or place of employment and when I hear jokes of people making jokes on what others do for a living as if that person is less than what the other believes they should be truly pisses me off. I am also having a bit of issue regarding my intelligence and my belief that I have a lack of it. I need to stop that I know.

I am going to try this mantra of repeating to myself that "I love me, body and brain." I am falling in love with my self everyday its a daily steady progress but as it's been said numerous times before. How can someone fall in love with you if you are not in love with yourself.

So here goes nothing or everything? Whateves :)

- Loree