Fear of Failure

Wow what a weekend. Not in the good way but yes you guessed it in a bad way. Horrible tragedy of Colorado regarding the shooting in a movie theater. That could have happened at any time and at any place and its unfortunate that it happened to anyone. How terrifying that moment must have have been when these poor people realized that the man in the riot gear was there to kill as many people as he could. Every time a tragedy like this occurs we all look to see who is at fault. Unfortunately when you hit the age of 18 years old we have no control over they're actions until that action causes someone harm or in many cases someone's death. This is why I feel that intuition is so important. I'm positive that his parents had that little voice of intuition that said my boy has issues maybe we should do something about this or maybe a coworker may have seen something even the gun/ammunition salesman who sold him 300 rounds. Although I hear that purchasing 300 rounds of ammo is an average purchase for a huntsman in Colorado which in itself is terrifying. What does a person do? I think we need to be more involved and reach out to those who seem to be lost because it could may breach the line of harming someone else or themselves.

Then on Saturday I was a victim of a red light runner. I had the green light and this lady just ran right into me. Thank god we both came out o.k. but I became SO ANGRY more than anything else. My car is paid off, I only have a part time job and my school loan payments start in November and I'm having a hell of a time (like the rest of America) finding a job and the car may be totaled. But I thank God that it wasn't my time and he kept me safe.

Now the only thing I feel like I have control over is my weight loss and the doctor told me that I need to take it easy and not work out in one week! ONE WEEK! And that is what I'm pissed off the most about. When my parents picked me up at the hospital my mom said why don't we stop at McDonald's for a treat since I had such a rough day. I am proud to say that I told her I didn't want to comfort myself with food anymore. That is a big thing. A Extra Value Meal Number 1 (which is Big Mac, Large Fries and Medium Drink) with a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge and nuts was my go to "make me feel good" meal, but I told myself this lady who hit me is not going to ruin my body like she ruined my car in the accident.

So the main reason for this post is FEAR. I've lost 57 lbs now and have 14 lbs left to lose to reach my goal and I'm scared that not working out this week is going to screw me over. I'm terrified! I've been eating the same way I've been eating, healthy but I have that FEAR that I've come this far and I don't want to backslide back again. Ugg but I do realize that life will happen, accidents will happen and I just have to deal with the situation at hand and rise above it. It is only one week. My body and better eating has to last me a lifetime and I understand that hurdles will appear. I mean I could have broke something on my body and been out of commission longer so one week is really nothing.

Just goes to show with the tragedy in Colorado and my car accident on Saturday, July 21st you never know what life will throw on your path to slow you down. The key is to deal with the cards you are dealt and move on if you can and that living each to its fullest should be as common an activity as brushing your teeth everyday because you never know when will be your last as Erie as that may sound.

Til the next time.

- Loree