Characteristic Attributes of My Man

Ahh to be in love.... I wouldn't know since I've never been in love that is. I'm 37 years old and I've never been in love. Yes it's true. I've been in love with characters in movies and tv shows but that's not real love obviously. I think its really sad because I feel like there were opportunities and great guys in my past but I didn't try because of a lack of self esteem and fear of rejection. Ugg! I haven't dated in a very long time. I was never allowed to date in high school (my father was uber strict since I was the only girl with two brothers). I had a maniacal relationship in my 20's which pretty much made me want to stay away from men altogether. That resulted in me staying away from dating anyone else for a good 10 - 12 years.....

My god that kind of hurt to type but yes I haven't had a romantic relationship in over a decade. I've had a date here and there but nothing serious. Now that I'm becoming more confident because of my weight loss and my bachelors I recently obtained, I really want romance, and intimacy from a man who honestly feels the same feelings for me. There are times where I feel so sad at night as I lay in my bed and I think to myself:

"Damn I know he's out there but where the hell is he?"
"Will I meet him tomorrow?"
"Have I met him and I'm just a blind idiot?"
"Lord will I ever be in love?" 
I wasn't in love in that disaster of a relationship but as my therapist stated I survived that bad relationship and it showed me what I do not want in the future. Back then all I wanted was a cute guy who showed an interest in me and basically that was it and guess what, that's what I got. Now that I'm older I still want that cute guy but a cute guy with substance. 

Thinking about what I want in a mate makes me remember a conversation I had with my cousin on the subject. She was single at the time too and we were discussing that with technology why can't we just custom order the man we want? I mean smart phones can basically do everything but drive you to work how about working on finding the perfect mate for your smartphone owner? But the more I thought about that the more I realize of course is that no one is perfect and how boring it would be to get exactly what you want. What fun is that? I love happy surprises. So finally getting to the topic at hand:

The Characteristic Attributes I'd like in My Man are as follows (not in order of priority):

• Great sense of humor
• Great sense of style
• Respectful of others no matter what level or education or career they may have
• Good looking or sexy
• Responsible with their finances but not stingy
• Educated but not condescending (god I hate that!)
• Doesn't sweat the small stuff (avoids getting angry over petty things)
• Respects his elders
• Open to thinking outside the box (whether that is different cultures or opinions they do not necessarily agree with)

Now I love television but television and the media for that matter have royally screwed me up when it comes to the type of man I want in my lives. Gorgeous men with gorgeous bodies who are sexy and strong (True Blood I'm talking to you). When I was overweight I wanted an Adonis but told myself "why would an Adonis want a woman like me?" As the media and television program constantly tell us a hot man only only wants hot woman. But that is so far from the truth. O.k. it's true sometimes but its not the only truth. Note I didn't say why would an Adonis want an overweight girl with low self esteem, those two are not always necessarily linked. A curvy, plus size woman who is completely confident in her size can totally get an Adonis, I've seen it. It really comes down to self confidence and being open to the relationship you want.

I personally was not comfortable in my own skin when I was overweight so I didn't expect a man (with the attributes above) to want me so I just didn't bother dating altogether. I was getting the attention from men I was not attracted to at all and basically politely declining their advances. Now I think making a list of what I'm looking for will help me focus my attention on men I'm interested in and realize that hey I'm a catch too for god sake. Also, I do realize to find a man with every single attribute on my list would occur with the help of Jeanne and her bottle but I'll still be putting it out there in the ether and hope that it will find its way to God's inbox of things he needs to do :).

Putting myself out there is so scary but I am ready to take that chance. I actually signed up for a speed dating event on August 9th and am going to happy hour on July 27th. Socializing terrifies me but I'm tired of being a hermit in my own home. I'll report on those events later. I've found in my journey that as with my weight loss and continued education no one can change and improve your life better than yourself. Remember you know what will make you happiest.

Til the next time!

- Loree