Time to Cool Down...

I've been known to be a a very chilled type of person. I don't let things get to me unless it's life threatening and even then I try to put it into perspective. My accident last week came out of nowhere (which defines an accident I know) but I've gone from pissed to what can I do to rectify this situation. This took about a week to accomplish and I've stopped letting it consume my every waking thought?


Since having one of my best friend pass away from bone cancer about three years ago I really don't let things get to me because I'm here and she isn't and I shouldn't be complaining about anything. But human nature does happen and I forget but I think its important to really reflect, breathe, see the situation and move on from it. 


Looking for a job and looking for love are my two main objectives now although the love part can be a bit tricky :). And I'll be honest I have been really nonchalant about finding love. I still have those self esteem issues but I do plan on going to a Speed Dating Event on August 9th and will be my goal to do at least one date related activity a month. 


I guess my main objective is to procrastinate less and do more activities. I've yet to work on my vision board and I started to let the job search consume me so I've decided not to look at the job wanted posts every day. Sunday, Wednesday and Friday are the days I will be looking for employment. Thursdays are my days of where I go to weight watchers meetings and work on my artwork. Basically its "ME" day. Yes I draw, I used to do it in high school then "BILLS, RESPONSIBILITIES, WORKING, COLLEGE" came into play and I stopped. I love drawing and will post some of my work in later posts.



I guess the bottom line is to have a plan in place because time waits for no one. I mean tomorrow is August 1st where the heck did the Summer go?



I've been meaning to mediate in the mornings as well but that has faltered so I'm thinking before I go to bed but have yet to do that. So as I am a person who likes her "To Do Lists," I've created an alarm on my phone for mediation time to reflect on the day that has past and to prepare for the coming day and I'll start tonight!


"Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." - M. Scott Peck


Til the next time!


- Loree

Fear of Failure

Wow what a weekend. Not in the good way but yes you guessed it in a bad way. Horrible tragedy of Colorado regarding the shooting in a movie theater. That could have happened at any time and at any place and its unfortunate that it happened to anyone. How terrifying that moment must have have been when these poor people realized that the man in the riot gear was there to kill as many people as he could. Every time a tragedy like this occurs we all look to see who is at fault. Unfortunately when you hit the age of 18 years old we have no control over they're actions until that action causes someone harm or in many cases someone's death. This is why I feel that intuition is so important. I'm positive that his parents had that little voice of intuition that said my boy has issues maybe we should do something about this or maybe a coworker may have seen something even the gun/ammunition salesman who sold him 300 rounds. Although I hear that purchasing 300 rounds of ammo is an average purchase for a huntsman in Colorado which in itself is terrifying. What does a person do? I think we need to be more involved and reach out to those who seem to be lost because it could may breach the line of harming someone else or themselves.

Then on Saturday I was a victim of a red light runner. I had the green light and this lady just ran right into me. Thank god we both came out o.k. but I became SO ANGRY more than anything else. My car is paid off, I only have a part time job and my school loan payments start in November and I'm having a hell of a time (like the rest of America) finding a job and the car may be totaled. But I thank God that it wasn't my time and he kept me safe.

Now the only thing I feel like I have control over is my weight loss and the doctor told me that I need to take it easy and not work out in one week! ONE WEEK! And that is what I'm pissed off the most about. When my parents picked me up at the hospital my mom said why don't we stop at McDonald's for a treat since I had such a rough day. I am proud to say that I told her I didn't want to comfort myself with food anymore. That is a big thing. A Extra Value Meal Number 1 (which is Big Mac, Large Fries and Medium Drink) with a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge and nuts was my go to "make me feel good" meal, but I told myself this lady who hit me is not going to ruin my body like she ruined my car in the accident.

So the main reason for this post is FEAR. I've lost 57 lbs now and have 14 lbs left to lose to reach my goal and I'm scared that not working out this week is going to screw me over. I'm terrified! I've been eating the same way I've been eating, healthy but I have that FEAR that I've come this far and I don't want to backslide back again. Ugg but I do realize that life will happen, accidents will happen and I just have to deal with the situation at hand and rise above it. It is only one week. My body and better eating has to last me a lifetime and I understand that hurdles will appear. I mean I could have broke something on my body and been out of commission longer so one week is really nothing.

Just goes to show with the tragedy in Colorado and my car accident on Saturday, July 21st you never know what life will throw on your path to slow you down. The key is to deal with the cards you are dealt and move on if you can and that living each to its fullest should be as common an activity as brushing your teeth everyday because you never know when will be your last as Erie as that may sound.

Til the next time.

- Loree

Characteristic Attributes of My Man

Ahh to be in love.... I wouldn't know since I've never been in love that is. I'm 37 years old and I've never been in love. Yes it's true. I've been in love with characters in movies and tv shows but that's not real love obviously. I think its really sad because I feel like there were opportunities and great guys in my past but I didn't try because of a lack of self esteem and fear of rejection. Ugg! I haven't dated in a very long time. I was never allowed to date in high school (my father was uber strict since I was the only girl with two brothers). I had a maniacal relationship in my 20's which pretty much made me want to stay away from men altogether. That resulted in me staying away from dating anyone else for a good 10 - 12 years.....

My god that kind of hurt to type but yes I haven't had a romantic relationship in over a decade. I've had a date here and there but nothing serious. Now that I'm becoming more confident because of my weight loss and my bachelors I recently obtained, I really want romance, and intimacy from a man who honestly feels the same feelings for me. There are times where I feel so sad at night as I lay in my bed and I think to myself:

"Damn I know he's out there but where the hell is he?"
"Will I meet him tomorrow?"
"Have I met him and I'm just a blind idiot?"
"Lord will I ever be in love?" 
I wasn't in love in that disaster of a relationship but as my therapist stated I survived that bad relationship and it showed me what I do not want in the future. Back then all I wanted was a cute guy who showed an interest in me and basically that was it and guess what, that's what I got. Now that I'm older I still want that cute guy but a cute guy with substance. 

Thinking about what I want in a mate makes me remember a conversation I had with my cousin on the subject. She was single at the time too and we were discussing that with technology why can't we just custom order the man we want? I mean smart phones can basically do everything but drive you to work how about working on finding the perfect mate for your smartphone owner? But the more I thought about that the more I realize of course is that no one is perfect and how boring it would be to get exactly what you want. What fun is that? I love happy surprises. So finally getting to the topic at hand:

The Characteristic Attributes I'd like in My Man are as follows (not in order of priority):

• Great sense of humor
• Great sense of style
• Respectful of others no matter what level or education or career they may have
• Good looking or sexy
• Responsible with their finances but not stingy
• Educated but not condescending (god I hate that!)
• Doesn't sweat the small stuff (avoids getting angry over petty things)
• Respects his elders
• Open to thinking outside the box (whether that is different cultures or opinions they do not necessarily agree with)

Now I love television but television and the media for that matter have royally screwed me up when it comes to the type of man I want in my lives. Gorgeous men with gorgeous bodies who are sexy and strong (True Blood I'm talking to you). When I was overweight I wanted an Adonis but told myself "why would an Adonis want a woman like me?" As the media and television program constantly tell us a hot man only only wants hot woman. But that is so far from the truth. O.k. it's true sometimes but its not the only truth. Note I didn't say why would an Adonis want an overweight girl with low self esteem, those two are not always necessarily linked. A curvy, plus size woman who is completely confident in her size can totally get an Adonis, I've seen it. It really comes down to self confidence and being open to the relationship you want.

I personally was not comfortable in my own skin when I was overweight so I didn't expect a man (with the attributes above) to want me so I just didn't bother dating altogether. I was getting the attention from men I was not attracted to at all and basically politely declining their advances. Now I think making a list of what I'm looking for will help me focus my attention on men I'm interested in and realize that hey I'm a catch too for god sake. Also, I do realize to find a man with every single attribute on my list would occur with the help of Jeanne and her bottle but I'll still be putting it out there in the ether and hope that it will find its way to God's inbox of things he needs to do :).

Putting myself out there is so scary but I am ready to take that chance. I actually signed up for a speed dating event on August 9th and am going to happy hour on July 27th. Socializing terrifies me but I'm tired of being a hermit in my own home. I'll report on those events later. I've found in my journey that as with my weight loss and continued education no one can change and improve your life better than yourself. Remember you know what will make you happiest.

Til the next time!

- Loree 

Goals, 1, 2 & 3 Years from Now...

Knowing one's goals is great but it'a really important to actually write them down and take a look at them, well at least for me. I am a visual person and in order for me to accomplish tasks they have to be written down in an organized fashion so I can check them off as I complete them. If it isn't written down for me to see and touch it procrastination will ensue and I'll do maybe 1 or 2 things on that mental list if I'm lucky. A written poster size version with photos is the way to go for me. I was watching an Oprah episode years ago and she said its important to have a hard copy of your goals an item called a vision board to visualize and see your goals. Place them in a place where you will walk by and see it every day. "A dream collage is pictures of your goals. It is like your future photo album," Bo Bennett. I love that quote. Seeing your vision board everyday will motivate you and remind you of those goals every day you walk by them. Just grab a magazine and cut out photos for your vision board or even print some photos if you can't find exactly what you need and cut and paste them on your vision board. I created my first vision board back in February 2009 as follows:

• Wavy Boxes: Indicate what I Accomplished
• Boxes w/Arrows: Indicate what I want to accomplish
• Heart Shape: I was just proud of myself for making the Dean's List :)

Goals at the time were (note the ones bold and italicized I've accomplished YAY FOR ME!):

1. Fitness/Lose Weight
2. Visit Rome, Italy
3. Visit Ireland
4. Visit Spain
5. Visit Greece
6. Learn French, German and Spanish
7. Learn more about the Catholic Religion and Religion in general
8. Mediate more
9. Save for a Dodge Challenger (my dream car)
10. Draw more
11. Get my Bachelor's in Management Studies & Certificate in Web Design
12. Learn Guitar
13. Date more
14. Buy my own loft
15. Do Yoga
16. Meditate and focus on my spirituality

Looking at my old vision board there are a few things I'd like to change. That's the thing about our present and future goals they are ever changing and its funny how what you think you wanted just three years ago today can be something you have no desire to accomplish or is no longer important to you presently. The bold and underlined items below are from my original vision board that I've yet to accomplish and those not are new:

1. Date
2. Stop being a homebody, socialize a bit more
3. Visit museums more (I used to go at least once a month)
4. Learn Spanish and German
5. Visit Rome, Ireland, Spain, Greece basically travel more
6. Religion - Read the Bible
7. Mediate Every Day and invest more in my spirituality
8. Would love to purchase my dream car which is a Dodge Challenger
9. Buy my own place
10. Sing Karaoke in front of an audience
11. Obtain my Masters in Web Design or Finance (haven't decided which yet)
12. Find a career/job I love and can grow in

As Eleanor Roosevelt said “It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” So a timetable is just as important as having that list. So my fantastic Therapist recommended I create a 1, 2 and 3 year goal which you will find below. Although I do plan on creating a vision board as well, I believe this will help give myself a time frame on when I expect to complete these tasks. Being the procrastinator that I am it's important to give myself deadlines. 


1 Year Goals:

• Socialize and Date More
• Find time to do things I love (continue to draw, visit museums, live concerts)
• Learn Spanish
• Find full time employment
• Apply to schools for my Masters to start Fall 2013
• Start to pay off some debt and school loans

2 Year Goals:

• Go on a well deserved trip
• Continue to learn a foreign language
• Now that I am working money isn't such an issue so time to save and invest (since social security is most likely to be non-existent when I retire)
• Save for my own place
• Focus on obtaining my masters while working

3 Year Goals:

• Treat my parents to a trip to France
• I'd like to be in a long-term relationship
• A child???

It's pretty easy to figure out what I want now but looking 2 years from now and even 3 years from not is much harder. I know my priorities will most likely change and I'm not sure what life will bring, a new love, husband, kids, career I'll adore and completely excel in? What will occur in the next 1, 2, 3 years will be the determining factor of what goals will change or stay the same or be removed all together. I do think that this is a great starting point. I'll be working on that vision board and posting it up on a later date.

Til the next time work on that vision board!

- Loree

Accomplishments

Although I feel as human beings our lifetime goals should be to better improve ourselves, we should also recognize and recompense ourselves once we accomplish those goals. I for one have neglected myself in the past and really have been a terrible friend to myself until now. What do I mean by that well I’m always blaming myself for not putting myself out there to get a guy, not trying harder to be more physically fit and being comfortable with looking at myself in the mirror. I also accepted the fact a few years back that I will never find a job I love, a man I love and friends who would understand and accept me for me. It was a complete pity party but now something changed.

I’m not sure what it was that snapped me out of the snafu I was feeling but once I completed one goal, another completed goal occurred it was an awesome trend. It really started with joining Weight Watchers. It was the perfect plan for me. I like things organized, give a plan that I can follow and I’ll accomplish it. I constantly did this with school work and my job at the moment but never really focused on my physical health. So below are my accomplishments large and small. I’ve come to realize that as great as it is listing one’s goals it is also important to list one’s accomplishments because it is a big deal. We accomplished what we set out to do and our accomplishments are limitless.

My accomplishments (not in order of importance since they are all important to me):

• Losing 53.6 lbs since November 12^th as of July 8, 2012 (woo hoo!). This has been an ongoing struggle for me since high school and I finally now learned not to treat food as a reward but as nourishment.
• Obtaining my Bachelor’s Degree in Management Studies and obtaining my Certificate in Web Design from the University of Maryland University College.
• Made the Dean’s List at my University with a GPA of 3.7 (Ow!).
• Not letting people’s opinions define my opinion of myself.
• Making a promise to myself to try new things (still working on this) for example:

o   Yoga Class in D.C.

o   Pole Class in D.C.

o   Speeding Dating Event which is scheduled for August 9, 2012

• Took a drawing class (I used to love to draw and found it therapeutic)

So this is a running list of course because as human beings it is our goal to think outside the box and even shock ourselves to what we can accomplish. So I am finally aware of my accomplishments and am proud to say PROUD OF MYSELF J

No Power

So Saturday, June 30, 2012 we had an insane storm called Derecho. A derecho is a widespread and straight-lined windstorm that often has a band of rapidly moving thunderstorms associated with it. These conditions are ripe for generating multiple tornadoes that can cause severe damage with winds from 80 - 100 miles per hour! It was awful and so scary. The winds felt like it was about to suck out the windows. The bad weather came without warning as it usually does nowadays and we lost power.  So with a 100 plus degrees (yes we reached 114 here in MD) we luckily had our brother’s house to go to who lives about a mile from us so thank god for that and thank god we are safe. BUT…without the internet and without cable it’s pretty amazing how we all depend on technology. My brother doesn’t have either (offline because of the storm) but we have power and air conditioning which we are very thankful.

My brother and his fiancé are playing host to my other brother, mom and dad and it’s been ok but there’s nothing like sleeping in your own bed. But I’d rather be cool plus it gives me time with the family and gives me the opportunity to delve into the other things I’ve been meaning to get into like:

• Working on my brother’s website for his business
• Reading a novel I bought a month ago “The Woods by Harlen Coben”
• Working on my next drawing on a male model

I remember outages would last a couple of hours maybe a day at the most when I was little but now our electric company is telling us it could take to up to a week! We actually got it 2 days later but had no internet, tv or telephone. So I’ll deal because let’s face it I have no choice. During the storm I also realize how I really hate being single. Yes I love my family no doubt about it but I go into the envious stage when I see my brother and his fiancé hell when I see my mom and dad. I think to myself of how I wish I had a boyfriend and how I could totally stay with him but alas it is not the current situation. I also have been a bit more proactive with my online dating and have been messaging guys I’m interested in but no bites yet. So instead of giving up (which I usually do) and saying dammit I’ll never find anyone, I’ve started to stop my self-defeating thinking and am continuing that search. Just need to keep telling myself that I am one woman and I honestly just want to find that one right man.

I also tried this new class on Thursday at the P Spot Fitness Studio in D.C. It’s a pole dancing fitness class and it was awesome but let me tell you the day after I couldn’t walk down the stairs and then a day later I couldn’t lift my arms so they literally kicked by ass. It took four days to recover. A lot of squats, situps and with the pole hanging on and using the body weight to lift your body child I’m in pain but it’s going away and I LOVED IT! I don’t know if it’s because I’m more physically active but alas.

As far as eating it’s was bad the first weekend of the blackout. I can use the storm as an excuse but being removed from my usual environment has totally screwed my plan a little bit. I ate French Toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, spaghetti and ground beef with spaghetti sauce. Man it was delicious but not on my Weight Watchers eating plan but its ok, I’ll chalk up this weekend as a loss and get my ass into gear this Monday. I know I can do it. This weekend I’ve been bad and seriously I didn’t have a choice since choices are limited when you food spoils due to a power outage but I'm confident that I'll succeed and get back on my fitness and eating plan which I did :)