Smitten

Hello again, So as mentioned in my last blog that I'd state how my 3rd date with AT went. It was great! I saw one of my closest friends and her husband, who is part of a jazz band, was amazing. AT was sweet as well and walked me to my car after the performance. I gave him a ride to the metro and I'm freaking out because this is supposed to be our first kiss. So I park the car, he leans in and.....kisses me on the cheek? I then blurt out, and not sure where that courage came from but, "so was that our first kiss?" At the mention of this he leans in and kisses me on the lips. It was fast but nice. We then make plans to see each other again the following week.

So we do. I plan on meeting him near his job and we decide to have a drink and maybe do an art walk. He hadn't eaten since he went to the gym first and I already ate so I was hanging with him while he ate. It was nice we talked about his job and coworkers. Afterwards we go to a bar and I have THREE martini's and I was feeling good. He had two drinks -Campari, a strong Italian drink. Now we were planning on seeing a movie so trust me although I did drive down, I had no intention of driving home drunk. So we walk to the movie theater and I offered to buy the movie tickets but he goes ahead and does. Not sure if he was being chivalrous or if it was the alcohol or if he just wanted to but I thought that was sweet of him.

SIDEBAR:  I'm always confused on who pays when, when the relationship isn't official. 

Anyways, we go in the theater and sit in the back seat of the theater and totally make-out for the two hours. I felt like a teenager, and it was pretty awesome LOL. Afterwards he walks me to my car and we say we'll make plans again this week. 

I don't know about this guy. Like I said, I'm really attracted to him but I don't know what he wants. I'm going to try and think like a dude on this one for now and take it as we're just dating. I will not over-analyze like a girl automatically does. Although of course I have already :) Nothing serious, although with emotions you can't really control how you will decidedly feel about the other.

It's all about having fun for now...At least that's what I keep telling myself. We'll see...

Til the next time,

Loree

Third Date

So tonight I am going to a Jazz Club in D.C. to see one of my closest friends and her husband who is performing. I invited a guy I've been on two dates with whom I'll call AT and he is seriously adorable and way younger than me. I told myself that I do need to start dating and he was cute and sweet so why not. The first date went great, we spoke for two hours, the next date I met him downtown on a Saturday and it was a beautiful day and I stupidly went to the wrong museum and he was totally cool about it, so that was a good sign. He doesn't sweat the small stuff for now. I could have lived without the tourists, but besides that we walked around a lot, went to the Hirshhorn and had lunch and the second date ended with a hug. Now mind you I am attracted to him and I am completely freaking out about our potential first kiss tonight. For god sake I am an adult and oldest of us two but am sooooooo sooooooo nervous. I know, I'm over thinking and freaking out but that's what I do and its been a very long time since I connected with a guy. Oh and breaking news on our second date he stated that he has a child which threw me since that wasn't in his profile but I was like you know at my age (30's) I shouldn't be a shocker, although him being 27 and having a kid is well something I'm not too worried about just yet. I am glad he didn't hide it so that was a good thing. 

Dating as you all know is very hard and I for one have always been known as a shy girl in high school and in college. Now I'm a bit more mature and confident and peoples' expectations or judgement doesn't define me as much anymore. It used to in my 20's because I didn't know better but now life is short and there are too many people in the world to try to make each and everyone one of them accept me for who they think I should be or be with.

So I send good tidings to cupid and my angels up there that tonight will be a nice and fun night. No pressure fun, fun, fun. I plan on looking fabulous. 

I'll report back with how it all went. Til the next time.

- Loree

Now What?

Oh boy, needed to blog and vent a bit. I'm at a loss. After graduating college last May 2012 the task of
looking for a job has been so daunting. Working part-time for so long and having so much time to focus on myself has been amazing. I think I'm fearful of going back to full-time work because I fear of losing focus on my self and my health. I also can't seem to find a job outside of my previous type of work which was being an Executive Assistant. It's hard work and I honestly hate doing it now. I'm ready for something new. It really is a struggle to decide. I think by not working a 40 hour a week job I've been spoiled. It's been about 9 months since I've graduated and honestly I had that moment of looking for Executive Assistant/Administrative Assistant positions again and even had an interview but I just couldn't go after it. I JUST CAN'T! I told myself no more going backwards and that to me would be the definition of that. I got my bachelor's for goodness sake and I'd actually like to use it. I went to school for a reason to get out of the role of an EA and AA but its hard:

1. Not having health insurance
2. Income to support myself and buy my own place
3. Savings for the future.

It sucks and I know I'm one of many people in this country going through the same dilemma. It is very hard. I think I need a vacation. I haven't been on a vacation in years and I think its' starting to get to me. Planning for a vacation with no money is going to be hard. But I'm a planner. I planned to get my Bachelor's and I did, I planned on losing weight and I happily accomplished that. So planning a vacation with low funds, I can do that too. And let's not forget about the love life.

Wow, my love life has been nonexistent for many years since the last terrible relationship I had in the past I just packed that part of my life in a drawer and just closed it. Now even though I don't have a job and can't really support myself I do want companionship SO...

I've started DATING, met a guy, younger than me which is o.k. for now since I haven't dating since I can't even remember and its really hard. He's sweet and I will just hang out with him for now. I do remind myself of the accomplishments I have made and that I am grateful to be in good health so its not all bad and honestly that's what gets me up in the morning. There are people out there going through tragedies that I can't even grasp. So...

Plan, I'm good at planning and the goal is to continue:

1) Dating
2) Planning a Vacation
3) Finding a steady job that I love
4) Supporting myself

A small list of HUGE proportions I know but I'll accomplish it. Til the next time...

- Loree

First Date Results

So. Went on my first date this past Saturday with a guy I've been talking with on O.K. Cupid. The restaurant was in DC and I took the metro which of course was delayed because of the endless metro repairs. I arrived and waited a good 15 minutes for him to arrive. He lives 2 blocks away but it took him 15 minutes to arrive (strike one).

When he arrived I was floored to see he was shorter than me. I'm short anyways at 5'2'' and he stated he was 5'3''. I wore flats on purpose as well and in no way shape or form was he 5'3''. More like 5'0'' at most (strike two). Never dated a guy shorter than me and yes I had flats on . But I told myself lets have dinner see how it goes, height isn't everything. I wore a tan sweater mini dress with black tights and boots - he wore blue jeans, green sweater and can't remember the shoes. We ordered dinner and in my mind I was wondering how the hell am I going to get out of this but told myself to stop being negative. So he stated that he was in the military and the gun issue came up. Being in the military I understand his desire to carry fire arms and being pro-gun. I personally will only allow guns in my house by way of viewing them on my flat screen TV. I hate guns. He owns a bunch of guns in Florida (strike three) but thankfully DC does not allow one to carry firearms. He definitely was into the black culture relating to music, movies and we liked a lot of the same TV shows but after the gun issue I pretty much lost interest and was ready for this date to be over. So he kept bringing up what we could do after dinner and I'm thinking....uhhh I'm going home. So we said our goodbyes. The next day he pretty much noticed my lack of interest and I haven't heard from him since. So there it is folks. There was no spark, no fire, no attraction. But I'm not discouraged since I have some other events coming up like a Cupid Run, Vampire Run.

So regarding Cupid Run, the organizers held a brunch mingle event at a Busboy and Poets location on Saturday Feb 2nd and that's when I saw him. His name is Ryan and he is adorable! He's tall, shaved black hair, he runs marathons which means he is in great shape and did I say he was cute? He had to be maybe 5'8". Hopefully I left an impression on him and that he shows up on Saturday. So well see :).

You know being single for so long I am so lost when it comes to the opposite sex. What attracts them, how to keep their attention, even how to show your interest in them without looking stupid or desperate. I have been reading this great blog on this girl who is plus size and her dating experiences as a plus size woman. I signed up when I was plus size and although I am no longer a plus size woman she has great tips on dating phobias which basically applies to anyone no matter their shape and size. You can find the blog here: http://www.thebiggirlblog.com/.  I do believe in fate and believe in guardian angels. So I know that most of the work is up to me but I could use some divine intervention because I am in desperate need of aide. So wish me luck and I'll post my results on the next blog.

Til the next time,

Loree

First Date

So. Its been a while since I've written and I find very therapeutic when I do. So I'm meeting a guy named "Dan" that I met on an online website "OK Cupid" for the first time. I thought he was cute and he reached out to me. He's a year older than me and seems to have a great career and is a great photographer which he wants to do full time. So he has that artistic part to him which I love. I haven't dated in such a long time I feel like I should be more excited but I think because I've had such disappointment in the past when it comes to dating I have a "whatevs" feeling. I think females in general over-analyze everything and I feel that deep down inside I am trying not to over-analyze as to not get hurt but I don't want to appear uninterested if I am.

So. I'm taking this date like meeting a new friend. Not a potential boyfriend, or anything more than that. If he is not interested that's cool, I think its great that I'm putting myself out there. I feel like I'm on a plane with a parachute getting ready to skydive and I'm right on the ledge with my instructor telling me "Go Loree, Go!" Hell I'm not even sure if he'll show but we'll see I guess. Yes I hate being negative but I'm, in my head, am being negative. Ugghhh I am anxious for the initial meeting and the awkward silences. This is a beginning of a new chapter for me.

I am confident in my looks now, I really wasn't before. I believe in respecting everyone no matter their level of intelligence or place of employment and when I hear jokes of people making jokes on what others do for a living as if that person is less than what the other believes they should be truly pisses me off. I am also having a bit of issue regarding my intelligence and my belief that I have a lack of it. I need to stop that I know.

I am going to try this mantra of repeating to myself that "I love me, body and brain." I am falling in love with my self everyday its a daily steady progress but as it's been said numerous times before. How can someone fall in love with you if you are not in love with yourself.

So here goes nothing or everything? Whateves :)

- Loree

Somethings Gotta Change

Another tragedy has occurred. The shooting in Newton, Connecticut. 20 children and 6 adults. An Elementary is deemed not safe now. Unbelievable. Everyone is quick to blame the shooter of course but who provided the guns for him to do this heinous crime. His mother. It also seems that she knew he had emotional problems, why she would ever introduce weapons into their home is beyond my comprehension but then again I'm sure her son being the murderer of 26 innocent lives wasn't even a possibility in her mind and something her son was capable of doing. Where were the people who noticed the killer's behavior or actions and thought to themselves, something is not right with this kid and it needs to be addressed but said nothing, did nothing. Whose to blame? That's the question we need to ask. I often wonder what the parents of these killers think once they're children have committed these unthinkable crimes. I believe that not in they're wildest dreams did they ever think that they're child would be responsible for killing anyone. 

It's seems that one thing that needs to be looked into is when a person that you may work with, be friends with are are related to are acting strange and you have a bad feeling that they could cause harm to themselves or someone else, its better to overreact and assume that this person is capable of anything rather than underestimate what they feel. It could prevent a tragic event from occurring.

It seems that these tragedies are occurring on a more frequent basis and it is truly terrifying.  I feel like when these things happen its the powers from above way of telling us that time is promised to no one and that we all should live our lives to the fullest TODAY. Don't plan on enjoying your life in the next day, the next month, or next year, you should do what you love now.

I think individuals today focus so much on what could be rather than what is which makes one miss special moments. You can't rewind time. For the past two days I've been hearing that there is a funeral for a 5 year old and then a 6 year old victim from the Connecticut shooting and it seems incomprehensible.  I can't even process that this is even happening. But when we get relaxed and the rights of individuals become more of a priority than the safety of individuals we as a society should not be surprised when tragedies occur. Columbine showed us that, Virginia Tech showed us that, the movie theater shooting in Colorado has shown us that, now children in an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL in Connecticut. It seems that things only change when something drastic occurs and people are nicer to each other, we have serious discussions on the issues at hand and this last only for a few weeks mind you then we're back to the same old same old for most of use. To dwell on the sadness is just too hard. But it does change some of us. 

With that I look at my own life and I am getting tired of being sad because honestly I got it good now. Yeah I'm still single, yeah I don't have a full time job that I love, yeah I don't own my own home but I will. I'm healthy, I have a part time that is paying the bills. I love my body after losing 72 lbs. I know that I will find love, I know I will find the job I love and I know that I'll own my own place I just have to be patient and live and love my life now. Be happy now because I can and these innocent victims cannot.

This is what I've learned and am reminded of. I pray for all the innocent victims and know you are not far from my thoughts. 

Til the next time.

- Loree

Frustration

You just never know what tragedy you will be a part of and how it could easily take your life or remind you how easily it can be taken away. As of late Hurricane Sandy has taught us that.

Which leads me to my frustration with myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for my parents who I love so dearly but honestly I should own my own place or be in a long term relationship or be married. But what helps with the delay of my wishes is something my therapist used to tell me "the relationship I want will happen when I'm ready to accept it." Let me just say I am way past ready. I miss being in a couple but honestly I haven't been out socially in a while. I plan on changing this in December with the following upcoming events I have planned:

1. A Wine and Painting Class with a Meetup Group December 1st
2. Another Speed Dating Event December 13th
3. New Years Event (where not sure yet) December 31st

Not working full time has made me very comfortable not working a 40 hour week. I have a habit of pretending that my credit cards are free cash and have been buying clothes like crazy when honestly I don't need any more! Buying cute clothes for my new size is definitely the magic pill to cure my depressed mood. And as you know any addiction is just a momentary solution and does not change it. I am aware of my spending and honestly I think I have been pretty good about it but I do need to stop with the clothing and shoes shopping. I mean all these cute dresses and shoes and I've been staying home feeling depressed. I want to find my love and find a job I love. But finding and getting a full time employment is like searching for a good man to date. There's too many people with the same qualifications aiming to win that prize. And that prize can basically accept any recipient they'd like because there are so many of us.

It's so FRUSTRATING! And I know I'm the only person who can change my own life. I know it. I believe that planning has a lot to do with it and I just need to really focus on my love life and job search. I also plan on getting a Masters Degree in Finance so school search is another task I need to grasp. So I declare that December will be a great month and 2013 will be one of the best years ever.

Til the next time.

- Loree