Automatic Thoughts and Distortions

I'd like to start off with a funny story (well funny to me at least), I went to Forever 21, (great clothes for great prices and not only for under 21 year olds), and grabbed a few shirts and jeans and tried them on. When I looked in the mirror I was hesitant.....I thought to myself "I think there's something wrong with this mirror." I thought maybe they had discounted mirrors too and used the same ones the Circus' use. You know the kind that makes big people tall and thin and vice versa. CRAZY I know. Nope that's you girl. I couldn't believe that I wasn't believing my own eyes. People are even commenting and asking me how I lost the weight and honestly, not to toot my own horn, I am really proud of myself. What I did was I applied the same principles I have with past success in my life which as of late was my place of employment. I have been always successful in creating a great resume, great interview and to be the best employee I can be. But that took care of my employers, what about taking care of myself?

So I took the weight loss (with the help of weight watchers and wii Zumba and wii Golds Gym Boxing ) one day at a time and knew that I gained the weight slowly I just have to be patient and lose it the same way and it totally worked. I did say at New Years this year that 2012 is Loree's year and I've been heavy for most of my life so I am loving the change. BUT... I'm still getting used to the attention. I notice guys noticing me a bit, smiling a bit more and I am at a loss of what to do next. Seriously I thought that those feelings go away as you grow older but nope. When I spot a cute guy I get the same feeling I did in elementary school, high school just total shyness and then I convince myself already that I am not worthy of this dude and I haven't even spoken to him yet! I now realize I have to approach dating in the same manner, take it nice and slow and I won't have a man overnight, finding the right one takes time as it should.

My therapist, who really is opening my eyes, gave me reading material on "Automatic Thoughs and Distortions." I told her that how in high school and even past employment I would have crushes on guys who I felt were way out of my league when in fact I now am slowly believing I may have had a chance with some of them! It only took me 37 years to realize that but at least I'm realizing it. I believe out of the distorations I suffer from:

• Assuming - I so assume things without even testing if the evidence. Damn he's hot, why bother he won't be into me. Why are they laughing? Is it my outfit? That's like assuming a criminal did the crime without investigating the crime.
• Overgeneralizing - The few guys I've had bad experiences with I just assume that all men are the same and that is so not true.
• Dwelling on the Negative- I learned years ago that I suffered with this but I actually am pretty good at NOT dwelling on the negative. Its a waste of time and really what's done is done you just need to learn from it and move on.
• Unfavorable Comparisons - I did this too a while back. I have this gorgeous cousin and I used to always compare myself to her. She is thin and I am not (although I am LOVING my shape now). But why would I want to be the same. I love being unique. There's nothing wrong with being different, its refreshing.

These categories really helped me understanding that I need to stop myself from thinking on the negative side of things. It only defeats me.

SOCIALIZING

So my goal this past two weeks was to socialize. I want to start dating again and my therapist said that I should have a small party. I didn't because my cousin had a party with mostly her boyfriends friends and family and some of our common family members. New people I've never meant, I think this can qualify as socialing with new people. BUT.... I took the easy route and stuck with my family. I know I should have been socializing outside with the people I haven't meant. I do realize that I should've introduced myself and interacted more but my mom and cousins (whom I'm very close with) were my easy out. So I think I failed in that task but I realize it and am up for another challenge.

There is an art showing in Virginia called Artomatic that I've been wanting to visit it. I think I will use that as an opportunity to go and have fun and (GULP) socialize. I'll let you know how that goes. Til the next time!

- Loree