Upcoming 10K Roadblock and Online Dating FAIL!

Monday, October 14, 2013

I think the only thing I have been really focused on lately is my training for my first 10k. I took a two month running class that has been awesome. I've learned a lot. I'm running up to 5 miles and I'm feeling really good about it. I actually ran in the rain TWICE. WHO AM I? :)  Now before my 10K has started I have my eye on the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler. My 10 k (6.2 miles) is in two weeks and I must say "BRING IT ON!" I'm so ready.

Secondly, I have been drawing in this book called "642 Things to Draw." I'm up to a String Quartet and I must say it has been very therapeutic so has the running. Man I love discovering new things that I love, its the best. Amazing what the world has to offer if you just open our eyes to it.

**********PLOT TWIST!

November 6, 2013

So guess what happened a week before my 10K....I pulled a hamstring muscle and couldn't run it! I got really teary eyed the day of the Marine 10K and could not watch any coverage on it I was sooooo sad. But as my running coaches have told me injury is part of the running game. So I've been told by my doctor to rest my leg for 3 weeks not overextending my leg or cardio involving rapid movement of my leg.

Let me tell you, I work out everyday and not using my leg to do what I usually do has made me very creative when trying to stay active. My pants were feeling a bit tighter and my stomach was not as taunt as it used to be and I ended up gaining 8 lbs which sucked! But I am a girl with a goal and I will not let this one setback bring me back to my prior behavior. So I've been lifting hand weights, doing various abdominal exercises which is basically all I can do for now and I've lost about 5 lbs! After the 3 weeks are over I'll get to do my running again which I cannot wait to do! But I understand that I have to take it slow and stretching is key. Man I really miss it. I'm so jealous when I see runners on my way to work, so now I've fallen in love with running. Who would've thought? Not me! So Marine Corps 10K you will be on my vision board next year NO DOUBT.

So an update on my Vision Board :

1. Being More Spiritual
2. Marine Corps Marathon October 2014
3. Celebrating my birthday in NYC 2014
4. Reading books I own 
5. Reading the the whole Bible
6. Learning to ride a Bike
7. Visiting the beach once a year
8. Skip TV once a week
9. Improve writing skills
10. Continue painting and drawing

For the month of November I plan on focusing on #'s 4, 5 and 8 (which I think would help #'s 4 & 5). I also want to finally plan my birthday in NYC that I've been wanting to do for years.

As far as my romantic life I'm taking a bit of a break with the online dating. I've suspended all my dating accounts yesterday and going to give it a rest for a week and see how that goes. I feel like these guys online engage you, your talking then boom, they disappear. I'm not totally blaming them, I know I have a bit to do with it as well.  I mean I stopped talking to a guy because he like the television show "Revolution," on NBC. Seriously! Petty thy name is well anyway.....A great quote came up on Pinterest "Don't Look for Things You Aren't Ready to Find." That made me think damn am I really ready for dating? I mean life is going on around me, people are moving in together, getting married, having babies and I'm still trying to find myself? Uggg I think I need to continue to work on myself and what I love and I'll find him. I feel like this online dating makes it too easy for people to sugar coat things aren't really honestly representing themselves. 

But that doesn't mean that if I meet him along the way I won't pursue it. Also, I have a bad habit of checking dating sites several times a day like how Farmville was a crazy addiction to folks when it was first introduced on Facebook. But I do believe I need to apply the same vigor I have with my weight loss, running, and drawing to my love life. I need to find it fun and enjoyable as it should be. But I'm so frustrated, I feel like its a task that I don't want to do because I expect the worst.

I overthink that's what I do!

Anywho til the next time. 

Loree

New Vision Board & New Outlook on Dating

So my little brother got married on August 3, 2013 and it was a beautiful, fun wedding. I didn't get any questions regarding when am I getting married or anything like that, I think people were more focused on my weight loss. Most of my extended family saw me 75 lbs ago so that was enough to halt the questions which I much appreciated. With that I decided to revise my Vision Board and I also realize that I created my last vision board last August which is funny :) But I digress My previous vision board consisted of:

1. Dating More
2. Being more spiritual
3. Finding a Job I love
4. Socializing More
5. Paying off my debt (which was hard without a full time job)
6. Taking steps to obtain my masters in what not sure yet
7. Visiting a museum at least once a month
8. Traveling more (see reason on #5)
9. Planning the purchase of my own place (see reason #5)
10. Learning German
11. Learning Spanish
12. Owning a Dodge Challenger
13. Singing Karaoke at a Bar

Now looking at this list with fresh eyes and a year letter, it was wayyyyyyyyy overwhelming. It's more of a bucket list then a Vision Board. I think I looked about this all wrong. Rather than putting all my goals on the board for years to come, like my weight loss, I should do it in increments. That is what can I accomplish in the next month to 3 months. Once I achieve those check it off or put a sticker on it, whatever, show that I have accomplished that goal. I think having all of it at once screwed me because it was just too much.  So out of the list I accomplished the following:

1. Dating More - Went on 2 dates which is sad but a HUGE effort on my part since I haven't dated in years. Yes Years.

3. Just started a job in June and I really like it. I'm learning a lot about the financial industry which low and behold my degree is in. So all things considered I'm great for now.

5. Starting doing this 2 weeks after starting my job. One credit card down, 3 to go and 1 car bill. I won't even broach the subject that is my school loans.

7. I have gone to a few museum and gallery openings each month so I'm proud of myself there. Haven't done so in August. Will correct that soon.

And that's it folks. Kinda of disappointing but now I'm looking at it completely differently. Below is my BRAND NEW AND SHINY Vision Board:

1. Being More Spiritual
2. Completing my first 10K
3. Celebrating my birthday in NYC 2014
4. Reading books I own 
5. Reading the the whole Bible
6. Learning to ride a Bike
7. Visiting the beach once a year
8. Skip TV once a week
9. Improve writing skills
10. Continue painting and drawing

Simple, obtainable. I believe so.

"Prison is in the mind. When your mind is in prison it really doesn't matter where your sitting." I just heard this quote from a British television show "Waking the Dead." A crime show. That quote is so astounding because of the way I've been feeling about my life.

*Note: I created this post in mid-August and never posted it so another blog is soon to follow.

Let the good times roll! and til the next time.

- Loree

New Outlook

So... I've been feeling a bit down lately. Don't know if it has to do with the weather or the lack of dating life. Probably a bit of both but I am planning on changing that. I finally got a full time job and should feel ecstatic and logically I'm happy but I'm so frustrated. I'm having a case of the blahhhhhs
and I can't stand it. I'm getting a bit antsy in my parents place. I just want a place of my own already but I don't have the funds to do that just yet but I am planning on it. But I'm not knocking what my parents have done for me taking me in when I got laid off and eventually went back to school to get my degree. Couldn't have done it without them.

As far as my dating situation. I know logically that dating requires more than dating one person :) Which is what I want but dating the same individual on more than one occasion I can see how one can get comfortable. Someone wants to spend time with you, they compliment you, you get to know their likes, dislikes, habits and I think I was getting comfortable with AT because of that. Since its been such a long time since I dated I started to realize that hey I miss that companionship. So I stopped with the sadness since again AT never called me back and heck I didn't call him back either so the feelings mutual. I just act like my own best friend and say it didn't work out, I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there and now continue on your search. Nothing worth fighting for is easy because if it was everyone would be in a happy enduring relationship. So I get it. I do. I didn't feel that spark with AT (but he was a fantastic kisser :)) and I guess I'm glad it didn't get to the point where I was feeling more and he didn't and vice versa. Been there...done that... and never want to do that again!

So I did say that I was going to take a break from dating but you know what, I've been taking a break for over (gulp) 10 years. BREAK TIME IS OVER. So I am continuing to peruse the online profiles, but I'm also trying to be more social, go out and do things. Go to bars, art exhibits, even fitness wise with my 5k's and whatever physical challenge I'm willing to challenge myself with. So I'm excited for not only trying new things but maybe finding my match in the process.

So I think I need to list things that I'd like to do on a monthly basis and I think the more I see it in print it will invigorate me to actually do it. So they are:

To Do Monthly List

1. Visit a museum exhibit at least once a month.
2. Try a new fitness challenge once a month.
3. Do something out of character once a month.
4. Draw more, do more of my art.
5. Compliment a guy when I'm out (nice tie, nice smile, nice shirt) and be o.k. if it doesn't go anywhere.

Now to practice what I preach. Til the next time.

- Loree

Crickets...and Revelation.

So, I go out on my fifth date with AT and it was a bit awkward. He is very intelligent, reads history books as a hobby, doesn't own a television which I think is great. He also watches documentaries and let me tell you his intelligence is really sexy but I feel like we don't have much in common. We had dinner and talked a bit about what he does for fun, hang out with his buddies and plays leader of the world with a life size map at his apartment which is completely nerdy and adorable at the same time :). I feel like he expects me to be somewhat on the same level when it comes to talking about politics and history and I for one haven't cracked a history book since junior college.

So we ended the date with a great kiss. We're great at kissing :) but that was a week and half ago and I haven't heard from him. So I'm not sure what our status is. I have a feeling he will probably text me sometime in the coming weeks which is cool. I honesty am not looking for a husband since I have dated since Y2K so I had no expectations.

It felt great having someone attracted to me and vice versa and it's funny I didn't know how much I missed it until I actually was experiencing it. I'm more confident in myself which is great. I also was seeing a therapist last year to help me with the dating game since I got too comfortable with not dating. I want to have relationships with the opposite sex who are not related to me. She noticed that I have issues with having confidence in my intelligence. When  describing myself I would say that I'm nice, good person, great listener, ethical, cute but I'd never say smart or intelligent. I have finally learned not to compare myself  physically with others and I need to learn to do that with my intelligence as well.

Baby steps I say. So the search continues and I'm excited to find him and I know its a journey not a race and that it'll take time and patience. I believe the right guy will be worth going through bad dates and such. I think I may take a week break looking at online profiles, its become a bit frustrating.

Hopefully I will be reporting on another date soon on my next post.

Til the next time.

- Loree

Smitten

Hello again, So as mentioned in my last blog that I'd state how my 3rd date with AT went. It was great! I saw one of my closest friends and her husband, who is part of a jazz band, was amazing. AT was sweet as well and walked me to my car after the performance. I gave him a ride to the metro and I'm freaking out because this is supposed to be our first kiss. So I park the car, he leans in and.....kisses me on the cheek? I then blurt out, and not sure where that courage came from but, "so was that our first kiss?" At the mention of this he leans in and kisses me on the lips. It was fast but nice. We then make plans to see each other again the following week.

So we do. I plan on meeting him near his job and we decide to have a drink and maybe do an art walk. He hadn't eaten since he went to the gym first and I already ate so I was hanging with him while he ate. It was nice we talked about his job and coworkers. Afterwards we go to a bar and I have THREE martini's and I was feeling good. He had two drinks -Campari, a strong Italian drink. Now we were planning on seeing a movie so trust me although I did drive down, I had no intention of driving home drunk. So we walk to the movie theater and I offered to buy the movie tickets but he goes ahead and does. Not sure if he was being chivalrous or if it was the alcohol or if he just wanted to but I thought that was sweet of him.

SIDEBAR:  I'm always confused on who pays when, when the relationship isn't official. 

Anyways, we go in the theater and sit in the back seat of the theater and totally make-out for the two hours. I felt like a teenager, and it was pretty awesome LOL. Afterwards he walks me to my car and we say we'll make plans again this week. 

I don't know about this guy. Like I said, I'm really attracted to him but I don't know what he wants. I'm going to try and think like a dude on this one for now and take it as we're just dating. I will not over-analyze like a girl automatically does. Although of course I have already :) Nothing serious, although with emotions you can't really control how you will decidedly feel about the other.

It's all about having fun for now...At least that's what I keep telling myself. We'll see...

Til the next time,

Loree

Third Date

So tonight I am going to a Jazz Club in D.C. to see one of my closest friends and her husband who is performing. I invited a guy I've been on two dates with whom I'll call AT and he is seriously adorable and way younger than me. I told myself that I do need to start dating and he was cute and sweet so why not. The first date went great, we spoke for two hours, the next date I met him downtown on a Saturday and it was a beautiful day and I stupidly went to the wrong museum and he was totally cool about it, so that was a good sign. He doesn't sweat the small stuff for now. I could have lived without the tourists, but besides that we walked around a lot, went to the Hirshhorn and had lunch and the second date ended with a hug. Now mind you I am attracted to him and I am completely freaking out about our potential first kiss tonight. For god sake I am an adult and oldest of us two but am sooooooo sooooooo nervous. I know, I'm over thinking and freaking out but that's what I do and its been a very long time since I connected with a guy. Oh and breaking news on our second date he stated that he has a child which threw me since that wasn't in his profile but I was like you know at my age (30's) I shouldn't be a shocker, although him being 27 and having a kid is well something I'm not too worried about just yet. I am glad he didn't hide it so that was a good thing. 

Dating as you all know is very hard and I for one have always been known as a shy girl in high school and in college. Now I'm a bit more mature and confident and peoples' expectations or judgement doesn't define me as much anymore. It used to in my 20's because I didn't know better but now life is short and there are too many people in the world to try to make each and everyone one of them accept me for who they think I should be or be with.

So I send good tidings to cupid and my angels up there that tonight will be a nice and fun night. No pressure fun, fun, fun. I plan on looking fabulous. 

I'll report back with how it all went. Til the next time.

- Loree

Now What?

Oh boy, needed to blog and vent a bit. I'm at a loss. After graduating college last May 2012 the task of
looking for a job has been so daunting. Working part-time for so long and having so much time to focus on myself has been amazing. I think I'm fearful of going back to full-time work because I fear of losing focus on my self and my health. I also can't seem to find a job outside of my previous type of work which was being an Executive Assistant. It's hard work and I honestly hate doing it now. I'm ready for something new. It really is a struggle to decide. I think by not working a 40 hour a week job I've been spoiled. It's been about 9 months since I've graduated and honestly I had that moment of looking for Executive Assistant/Administrative Assistant positions again and even had an interview but I just couldn't go after it. I JUST CAN'T! I told myself no more going backwards and that to me would be the definition of that. I got my bachelor's for goodness sake and I'd actually like to use it. I went to school for a reason to get out of the role of an EA and AA but its hard:

1. Not having health insurance
2. Income to support myself and buy my own place
3. Savings for the future.

It sucks and I know I'm one of many people in this country going through the same dilemma. It is very hard. I think I need a vacation. I haven't been on a vacation in years and I think its' starting to get to me. Planning for a vacation with no money is going to be hard. But I'm a planner. I planned to get my Bachelor's and I did, I planned on losing weight and I happily accomplished that. So planning a vacation with low funds, I can do that too. And let's not forget about the love life.

Wow, my love life has been nonexistent for many years since the last terrible relationship I had in the past I just packed that part of my life in a drawer and just closed it. Now even though I don't have a job and can't really support myself I do want companionship SO...

I've started DATING, met a guy, younger than me which is o.k. for now since I haven't dating since I can't even remember and its really hard. He's sweet and I will just hang out with him for now. I do remind myself of the accomplishments I have made and that I am grateful to be in good health so its not all bad and honestly that's what gets me up in the morning. There are people out there going through tragedies that I can't even grasp. So...

Plan, I'm good at planning and the goal is to continue:

1) Dating
2) Planning a Vacation
3) Finding a steady job that I love
4) Supporting myself

A small list of HUGE proportions I know but I'll accomplish it. Til the next time...

- Loree

First Date Results

So. Went on my first date this past Saturday with a guy I've been talking with on O.K. Cupid. The restaurant was in DC and I took the metro which of course was delayed because of the endless metro repairs. I arrived and waited a good 15 minutes for him to arrive. He lives 2 blocks away but it took him 15 minutes to arrive (strike one).

When he arrived I was floored to see he was shorter than me. I'm short anyways at 5'2'' and he stated he was 5'3''. I wore flats on purpose as well and in no way shape or form was he 5'3''. More like 5'0'' at most (strike two). Never dated a guy shorter than me and yes I had flats on . But I told myself lets have dinner see how it goes, height isn't everything. I wore a tan sweater mini dress with black tights and boots - he wore blue jeans, green sweater and can't remember the shoes. We ordered dinner and in my mind I was wondering how the hell am I going to get out of this but told myself to stop being negative. So he stated that he was in the military and the gun issue came up. Being in the military I understand his desire to carry fire arms and being pro-gun. I personally will only allow guns in my house by way of viewing them on my flat screen TV. I hate guns. He owns a bunch of guns in Florida (strike three) but thankfully DC does not allow one to carry firearms. He definitely was into the black culture relating to music, movies and we liked a lot of the same TV shows but after the gun issue I pretty much lost interest and was ready for this date to be over. So he kept bringing up what we could do after dinner and I'm thinking....uhhh I'm going home. So we said our goodbyes. The next day he pretty much noticed my lack of interest and I haven't heard from him since. So there it is folks. There was no spark, no fire, no attraction. But I'm not discouraged since I have some other events coming up like a Cupid Run, Vampire Run.

So regarding Cupid Run, the organizers held a brunch mingle event at a Busboy and Poets location on Saturday Feb 2nd and that's when I saw him. His name is Ryan and he is adorable! He's tall, shaved black hair, he runs marathons which means he is in great shape and did I say he was cute? He had to be maybe 5'8". Hopefully I left an impression on him and that he shows up on Saturday. So well see :).

You know being single for so long I am so lost when it comes to the opposite sex. What attracts them, how to keep their attention, even how to show your interest in them without looking stupid or desperate. I have been reading this great blog on this girl who is plus size and her dating experiences as a plus size woman. I signed up when I was plus size and although I am no longer a plus size woman she has great tips on dating phobias which basically applies to anyone no matter their shape and size. You can find the blog here: http://www.thebiggirlblog.com/.  I do believe in fate and believe in guardian angels. So I know that most of the work is up to me but I could use some divine intervention because I am in desperate need of aide. So wish me luck and I'll post my results on the next blog.

Til the next time,

Loree

First Date

So. Its been a while since I've written and I find very therapeutic when I do. So I'm meeting a guy named "Dan" that I met on an online website "OK Cupid" for the first time. I thought he was cute and he reached out to me. He's a year older than me and seems to have a great career and is a great photographer which he wants to do full time. So he has that artistic part to him which I love. I haven't dated in such a long time I feel like I should be more excited but I think because I've had such disappointment in the past when it comes to dating I have a "whatevs" feeling. I think females in general over-analyze everything and I feel that deep down inside I am trying not to over-analyze as to not get hurt but I don't want to appear uninterested if I am.

So. I'm taking this date like meeting a new friend. Not a potential boyfriend, or anything more than that. If he is not interested that's cool, I think its great that I'm putting myself out there. I feel like I'm on a plane with a parachute getting ready to skydive and I'm right on the ledge with my instructor telling me "Go Loree, Go!" Hell I'm not even sure if he'll show but we'll see I guess. Yes I hate being negative but I'm, in my head, am being negative. Ugghhh I am anxious for the initial meeting and the awkward silences. This is a beginning of a new chapter for me.

I am confident in my looks now, I really wasn't before. I believe in respecting everyone no matter their level of intelligence or place of employment and when I hear jokes of people making jokes on what others do for a living as if that person is less than what the other believes they should be truly pisses me off. I am also having a bit of issue regarding my intelligence and my belief that I have a lack of it. I need to stop that I know.

I am going to try this mantra of repeating to myself that "I love me, body and brain." I am falling in love with my self everyday its a daily steady progress but as it's been said numerous times before. How can someone fall in love with you if you are not in love with yourself.

So here goes nothing or everything? Whateves :)

- Loree